Tuesday, April 5, 2005

1/4 of a century

Yep, I turned 25 today. Unfortunetly it’s started out to be quite a sad day. I woke up this morning to a nightmare, not about Elliot, but a bad dream - my dreams are so vivid during pregnancy & lately they have been rather disturbing - all circumstances where people around me don’t care about me anymore & I go into raging fit. It’s rather awful - granted isn’t real, but it feels real and I wake up with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then, when I got online this morning & checked in on a buddy group of women who are all due in the beginning of May - I was devastated to find that one of them gave birth to her baby yesterday & she was still born. It was so sad - and terrifying, she simply quit feeling the baby move around during the day & they decided to go to the hospital. They were unable to find the baby’s heartbeat and induced her immediately. I can’t imagine the pain and devastation, I am broken for this family. It is also my worst fear. Somewhere along this journey I started believing I would definetly hold Elliot - alive in my arms, and this is a reminder that there are no guarantees. It’s made me go back to my memorized verses, casting all my cares upon God, not being anxious about anything, resting in His absolute control. Elliot is His, and I can trust Him to take care of my family no matter what. For now I mourn the loss of another sweet child, and pray for a mother whose arms are empty, and thanking the Lord that I’ve lived 25 years, which seems less & less common to me these days.
Posted by Bren at 15:29:42 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Finishing up

Sunday afternoon & Monday evening we sand papered, primed & painted the cradle & frames for Elliot’s room. That takes care of most of the last remaining projects for the nursery. I also called Baby Depot to find out when our hutch will arrive & was pleased to find that it could be here in 3 weeks - which is better than the earlier quoted time. Things are really comming together, I still sometimes feel like I’m pretending - it just doesn’t always feel real. Maybe it was because I’d practically convinced myself I’d never be at this point after our 2 losses, or maybe it’s just how everyone feels before they’ve actually had their first child.
Posted by Bren at 15:14:55 | Permalink | No Comments »

We’re Members!

Sunday we officially became members at our church. We met with an Elder & each shared our testimony, we signed the commitment cards & I believe we *passed* ;-)  We’re really excited to be a part of the family there & can’t wait to get more involved. We’re going to join a small group next Wednesday - we’ve had to wait b/c our lamaze class is currently on that night. We are also going to participate in the decipleship program. I am so thankful God has led us here, I know it will be a wonderful place for Elliot to grow up. It was meaningful that when we prayed with the Elder & later the decipleship pastor they both prayed for Elliot. I love going each week for the fellowship & message, but another part of me is also refreshed - it’s up on the hillside a bit out of the city & I always feel a little more rejuvenated after being closer to nature. I can feel so crowded living here, but it’s so nice to go just a few minutes & be on a beautiful green hillside with lots of space.

Posted by Bren at 15:10:33 | Permalink | No Comments »

April Showers…

The rain has gone, but I have no less than 5 baby showers to attend this month! That means lots of little friends for Elliot are comming soon. On Saturday I went to a shower for a friend who had a baby girl in February. The gender was a suprise so they waited to have the shower. It was neat being able to hold Avery at her shower. I carpooled with a good friend that I hadn’t seen for a while & it was nice to catch up. She also was able to give me some good practical parenting advice - like what toys to bring to the restaurant to keep your kid happy!
Posted by Bren at 15:02:51 | Permalink | No Comments »