Brenda’s Pregnancy Journal

I get quite a kick out of comments on my tummy. It’s not uncommon for me to hear “boy you’re huge!” or “you’re so tiny” in the very same day! I actually had one person tell me how they liked the shirt I had on (how nice right?) but she followed it up to explain that she didn’t like the shirt I had on the day before b/c “you couldn’t tell I was pregnant” - okay…whatever! I’m quite comfortable w/ where I’m at as far as showing - and everyone’s body is different -so to compare is quite silly. But it’s always amusing to hear what people think…

I am so very proud of myself today - I walked a mile w/out getting tired! My co-worker returned from her maternity leave & we returned to our routine walk. I wasn’t sure how I would do since I haven’t had regularly scheduled excersize for a while…but it was no problem! I’ve remained pretty active doing stuff around the house etc. so it looks like I didn’t lose any stamina.

Only 100 days until May 12! I can hardly believe it!

My new favorite pastime is watching my belly bounce around when Elliot gets going, it’s so strange to watch your body being moved around by another persons little body. I love how active he gets when I read the Bible aloud each evening.

I came home from work on Friday to a DISASTER! We’d put the dogs out, but had accidently forgotten to lock the doggie door - which meant they had unlimited access to my bedroom all day - and boy did they take advantage. It was HORRIBLE. I could hardly see the carpet through the pieces of chewed up cardboad & other papers. A few of my dress shoes were also eaten up, as well as a couple wedding pictures (thankfully they were doubles). I called Charlie in tears, but soon after I got it together & cleaned it up. It’s strange - if we leave them home w/ access to the whole house they do fine, but when they’re stuck in just one room they become monsters! We really are having progress w/ Tucker too - keeping my fingers crossed that we get him fully trained before Elliot arrives….

here’s a pic of just a part of the mess:

After cleaning up that nightmare I went to the varsity game @ COHS with my friend Breanne who is due 12 days after me. We also met up w/ another friend. Unfortunetly they lost, but we had fun anyway. It’s nice to have a friend who is due so close to me - neither one of us bores of talking about pregnancy!

Saturday I got stuff done around the house & then in the afternoon I watched Charlie play basketball (he’s on a team w/ APU). I’ve been so motivated to keep a clean house lately - I love it - I’ve also been super good @ making dinners - which is something I have really struggled with - it’s hard to be motivated to cook after a long day @ work. They say pregnancy brings luck, but after dinner we played 2 rounds of Backgammon & 2 games of Skip-Bo & I lost all four of them!

I’ve been dealing w/ a lot of middle back pain in my sleep & when I first wake up - my solution has been to use cushions from the couch & sleep basically sitting up. So far it seems to be helping - I do hope it doesn’t get worse as I get bigger.

Sunday we went to Church of the Open Door again & the message was very touching. Part of it was on Psalm 127. The first part was a good reminder about how we are not safe from anything anywhere unless God is protecting us - and the second part was good to hear about children - they are a gift from the Lord - but not for us to hold on to - rather for us to sharpen to be “arrows” for God. The pastor mentioned a couple in the church who has wanted children for a very long time & announced that they are pregnant and asked the whole church to pray for the safety of the child. It was special to me to see that this is a church that cares about those who struggle to have children & pray for those who are with child. The other part I love about the church is their dedication to missions - having been a missionary kid myself it is an important area to me & it’s exciting to see a church so passionate about it. Next week I’ll have to go check out the nursery to see where Elliot would be spending his time! 

It’s fun to go away, but it’s nice to come home too, especially to Charlie. I was so tired when I got in that I decided not to go to work on Tuesday. I slept in, did some laundry, cleaned a bit, ran some errands, and made a yummy dinner. It’s always nice to be home & take care of things here. I have no problem w/ traditional gender roles! I also got to call a few friends & catch up. Several of them are pregnant too & it will be fun for Elliot to have little buddies around.

In the evening I went w/ my mom to a missionary dessert for the women at their church. I enjoyed it a lot. It was good to hear about what is going on around the world, and a reminder to pray for the lost. Sometimes I can get quite caught up in what is going on in my own life - and just ‘leave it to the missionaries’ to take care of. Steph & I had a great talk about this - and I’m feeling challenged to be a brighter light.

I’m still getting ‘fluffy mail’ aka: cloth diapers & supplies from the net. Today I got some microfiber towels that are supposed to be super absorbant, maybe I need to get one of those dolls that pees - do they have those? lol!

Wednesday the party ended & I went back to work. Not so bad really, I only have 3 months left before maternity leave! Woohoo!

We have some water damage in Elliot’s room from the rain so we haven’t been able to start painting or anything. Hopefully the HOA will act quickly so we can get on it. I’m excited to start decorating.

My sister-in-law is due in a few days…can’t wait to get the call that my little niece or nefew is on the way!!

Friday morning I flew out of LAX to Chicago where I changed planes & went to Dayton. I was concerned the weather might affect my travel, but God was gracious & the blizzard waited until I was safe in Ohio. Stephanie’s friend Chelsey picked me up from the airport & we had a fun time getting to know one another on the way to the Beaucar’s home. When we were a few minutes away I called Stephanie on my cell & pretended to be on the bus in LA - she didn’t doubt it for a minute. Once we got there Chelsey went to the door & announced that Steph’s ‘package’ had arrived @ the office today & she was there to drop it off. They had Steph come & stand in front of the door w/ her eye’s closed - and boy when she opened them & saw me she screamed - more like shreiked, then jumped up & down, hugged me & screamed some more. It was the greatest suprise I’ve ever pulled off. She was so excited and wasn’t expecting it at all.

We had a terrific weekend together. I enjoyed being able to see all the places she has talked about & to meet all the people I’ve been hearing about. Her pajama party on Saturday night was  blast & I was so blessed to meet many Godly women that are her friends there. She is blessed. They have a really cute home, it’s got a cabin feel to it & the front room has windows all around. Looking out at the snow was absolutely beautiful! Yep, there was lots of snow, and it was COLD - below freezing most of the time! But really, it wasn’t a big deal b/c we were inside most of the time, it was only when we went from the car to a building when we were out in it.

One of the most fun parts of the trip was being around their daughter Nicci. She’s 15 months and so adorable! Her personality is very sweet. Her big word is ‘dog’ and she says it whenever she sees one. Watching and playing with her made me so excited to have Elliot. Imagining having my own little one running around was so amazing.

It was a gift for Steph, but really it was a gift for me too. I’ve missed her a lot & spending time together was special, especially since she got to see me pregnant & be a part of that. She lent me a book on making your own baby food so you know I’m all over that!!

Seeing life in the snowy winter made me think we could do it - so maybe one day our idea of moving to Colorado will come true.

Gone are the days of eating small portions - belliot is HUNGRY! I ate a Double-Double last night - the entire burger for the first time in my life! I’m usually happy to get thru a cheeseburger. I don’t think I can really call it breakfast b/c I start eating & don’t stop…most days I have a homemade fruit smoothie, a yogurt, 1/2 grapefruit, oatmeal or other grain cereal, a piece of toast, a banana, dried pineapple rings, a bag of Famous Amos cookies - all before 11:00 a.m. My lunch is small, but again it’s b/c I eat all day long instead of 3 big meals…I have a sandwich, fruit, and mixed veggies, and if I can get  my hands on some - more cookies! For dinner it changes of course, but I am suprising myself at how many portions I eat - I actually had 4 servings of salad the other night with dinner - followed by not one, but TWO banana splits.

From babycenter.com: Some pregnancy books suggest that you’ll begin to feel some relief early in your second trimester as your uterus rises upward out of your pelvis, but research doesn’t support this idea. The fact is that you may not get that fabled second trimester break at all. In one study in which pregnant women actually measured how often and how much they urinated, researchers found that both the frequency and volume increased over the course of their pregnancies, with no relief in the second trimester.

Well I wish I’d read this a long time ago! Because I read those pregnancy books that promised relief & boy have I NOT had relief! I am up 2 to 3 times a night having to pee & I feel like I am always running to the bathroom during the day…I can literally get back to my desk after a bathroom run, sit down and feel the urge to go again. Trying to drink lots of fluid doesn’t help, but I’m having daily doses of cranberry juice to prevent a UTI. People tell me I’m carrying low so I thought that had something to do with it - who knows. I’m glad he’s staying low though - remaining near the exit will have advantages later on :-)  Though one person told me I’m going to look like I’m pushing a wheelbarrow b/c I’m so low - not quite sure that that even means!

I’ve gotten scolded by a few strangers lately for hurrying (okay,…jogging) a couple times…to catch a bus, to cross a street. Hey, it’s not like I’m disabled. Elliot is in a bag of water, I’m sure he’s not bumping his head or anything! In fact, I did a little research (of course) and found that jogging & even running is perfectly safe in pregnancy, if you are careful. Now I’m not going to begin a running routine, but it’s good to know it can’t hurt the baby if I need to pick up the pace once in a while.  I remember thinking pregnant women were so fragile, but now that I’m here I don’t feel fragile - granted, I do take things easier & as a rule am not out running or climbing up on things, but in general I’m not hindered much by it - though I’m sure as belliot grows that will change.

Tomorrow I’m going to….OHIO!! It’s actually a suprise for my friend Stephanie for her birthday - but Steph isn’t the ‘online’ type, so I don’t have to worry about her finding out by reading it here! (IF YOU KNOW HER PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO HER!) I’m so excited about suprising her, I don’t think she has any clue at all. I’ll be just staying thru the weekend & comming home on Monday. She’s planning a slumber party on Saturday night & it will be so fun to be there!

I am going to miss Charlie, I wish he could come. At least I get to take Elliot ;-) I must admit I’m a bit nervous about the travel and weather. It’s below freezing & supposed to be snowing, I have to change planes in Chicago & the plane to Dayton is pretty small - I’m a little scared of what it will be like flying in the snow ~ if you think of it please pray that I am safe. Pregnancy warmth hasn’t really hit yet, so I know I’m going to FREEZE. I’m planning on wearing layers & layers & more layers & just hope they like to stay indoors!!

Today was my due date - the due date for “Special K” It’s so hard to know how to feel - to handle what I do feel. I mourn the loss of my child, but I also rejoice in the life I now carry. It’s strange because, if I weren’t carrying Elliot, today would have been an incredibly painful day. I remember how much it hurt to lose our baby - and how before I was pregnant again I dreaded this day more than any other, but the joy of my current pregnancy has really overshadowed that pain. As it should. I tend to live in the moment and am just so happy to be where I am - I almost feel guilty b/c I’m not more sad. I wish Special K would have stayed with us, but I’m so in love with Elliot. I don’t know why God chose to take Special K home early & has been merciful in the new gift of Elliot. But, I don’t just believe His timing is perfect, I feel it. I would gladly accept a child whenever God chose to give me one, and I certainly am not glad about my miscarriage, but May 2005 feels like wonderful timing. I wonder, Is that horrible to think? Is that betraying my child in heaven? How can I be faithful to each of them, when it’s impossible for them both to be here with me? Thankfully it wasn’t my choice - it was God’s and I believe in Him and His perfect will for my life.

I certainly don’t take for granted that Elliot will remain here with us - losing him is a concern I deal with on a daily basis - I continually remind myself of God’s command not to be anxious - knowing He holds everything in His hands. However, all indications are that Elliot is a healthy child and I don’t have any solid basis for that fear. We can’t all constantly worry that our friends & family are going to die any minute, though we know God can take any one of us when He choses. I’m grateful for the peace I have most of the time in regards to Elliots life.

I take this day to also mourn for the babies that have been lost by others that I know. Sweet babies, never to know this earth, but dearly missed, dearly wanted, dearly loved by the few that knew them while they were in the womb. I hurt for women everywhere who have known the pain of miscarriage and they are always in my prayers. I pray also for those who long for children and pregnancy doesn’t come as easily for them as it does for others…it is an awful pain, and rarely understood by those who haven’t experienced it. I won’t ever forget the hurt and horror of longing for a child you are not sure you’ll ever hold. The suffocating fear of not being a mother when it is an overwhelmingly deep desire - is…well, indescribable. I won’t stop praying for those in this place until they hold a child of their own. I can only pray that my story brings them hope…

We had a nice Holiday weekend. I managed to keep the house clean too! Saturday was my niece’s birthday party & it was fun to see her & our family. She fell & scraped her knees - made me remember when I was 12 (she turned 3) I used to wonder if I’d ever have scrape-free knees! Hopefully Elliot will have a little more of his daddy’s balance!

Sunday brought a ray of hope ~ we visited the church my parents attend & both of us felt good about it. We didn’t decide on it for sure yet, but for the first time I feel like we might have found the place. I’m looking forward to checking it out again & learning some more about it.

Monday we got started clearing out the nursery - or I should say almost finished clearing it out. Most everything in there now is baby stuff. My sister-in-law Katie is in school for interior design so she is going to design the room - she made up some pictures on CAD for us & it looks great! I can’t wait to start working on it!

Yesterday I was in training all day - the most valuble thing I learned? Go home, relax & take a bath! (no kidding!)  So that’s what I did & it felt so good - very relaxing!

Today I went to the library & got “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” by Tracy Hogg. I hope it’s good. It was so fun on the way back in the bus I sat by a woman who is due May 17 - she’s a Judge! One thing I love about pregnancy is that it opens up communication lines - strangers feel like they can talk to you - and of course I love to talk. Anyway, she was really  nice & we had a fun little chat about our pregnancies.

Wow! I can’t believe how much energy I have. I feel great!

Yesterday I woke up & began a whole day of cleaning - using all my new homemade products! I am thrilled to report that they all worked as good or better than the commercial versions. Now, A few of them did require a little more elbow grease than the chemical version, but not enough to make it not worth while. Anyway, why spend more $$ to save energy, just to spend even more $$ to go to a gym b/c of not working out - this way I got a little more excersize for free, plus cheap products! The soft-scrub immitation worked well on my tub - it’s now sparkling, and the club soda really did clean my mirrors well! My favorite part about them is the custom scents that I got to use - now my cleaners smell exactly how I want them too! I’m using the scented baking soda in all my trash cans now & it’s so nice! I don’t remember the last time I spent a day to clean the whole house at once - I also did  all the laundry - it feels so nice to be home. The amazing part was that at 10:00 p.m. I still had energy to do more!

I did take time out yesterday to watch Charlie & Danny’s basketball game - we won by like 30 points! Afterward we went to Wendy’s & I orderd my usual happy meal. It occured to me that one day I’ll be ordering happy meals w/ Elliot & I wonder if he’ll think it’s weird that his mom orders happy meals. Maybe I’ll have to change & order something ‘grown-up’

I was happy for lots of rain…but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever see the sun again. It’s made me glad I’m delivering in May - post partum will be during the summer which should be nice, warm  & cheery!

We had our post ultrasound check-up yesterday & were glad to find out that Elliot is a very healthy little boy! He’s measuring about 2 days ahead & according to her estimates weighs 1 lb 14 oz! My baby calendar says this for today: “Your baby now weighs a pound, measures eight inches, and is proportioned like a newborn, albeit a thin one since it has yet to store body fat.” - so I was a little suprised to find out he was almost double that 2 weeks ago! I’m really hoping for a 6.5-7.5lb baby - maybe that isn’t as realistic as I thought!!  The nurse asked me about his activity level & said that I should be getting about 10 movements in an hour - not each hour, but at least during one hour of the day. So I went home & counted & I got about 10 movements in less than 5 minutes so no concern there!  We also found out that the placenta is posterior - meaning it’s on the back side of my uterus - which is why I was able to feel movements so early. Glad to find out it’s in a good place so no worries about placenta previa!

Mama also put on some pounds - and to think here I was worried I wouldn’t gain weight. I guess after weighing the same for 10+ years I just couldn’t imagine it - but it’s happening!!  I started the pg at 122, lost 2 lbs, and then gained them back. Last apt. I was at 128 and this one I hit 135 - so that puts me at 13lbs up so far - Which is absolutely fine if I can maintain 1 lb a week gain from here on out, which is reccomended. But I just put on 7 pounds in 3.5 weeks so it may not be quite as easy as I’d thought - but the doc reminded me that there were the holidays in there so I do have an excuse! It was actually pretty funny to hear the doctor comment about it - he wasn’t concerned, but I think I suprised him!

“Your baby can now make out a distorted version of your voice, the beating of your heart, and your stomach rumblings.” - What a great thing to read on the very day all the CD’s I ordered came! It was so fun to play him music knowing he could hear it! I am going to do my best to memorize the lullabye CD so I can sing them by heart once he arrives.