Brenda’s Pregnancy Journal

Friday night we went to Disneyland, Saturday morning was Annie’s party, followed by Charlie coaching, then we went down to the beach, Sunday we went out to breakfast w/ Mom & Dad K, then to the APU Christmas concert! I am so exahusted! I am so glad to have not yet caught the cold or flu, but it seems a lot of people are…I hope I can stay healthy. Got some more gender guesses this weekend & I updated below…currently tied.  

Tonight I have to do all the housework that got neglected all weekend…not looking forward to it but will be so happy when it’s over. A messy house makes me grumpy!

Annie’s party was fun this morning, she is just too cute. Denise & Cherie said I look like I’m carrying a boy. I personally have a hard time putting stake on how my tummy looks, but it’s fun to see what everyone thinks!

Disneyland was great last night, we rode small world & walked main street, I loved all the christmas decorations & lights! It was chilly but I wore several layers & was quite comfortable .. still waiting for some of that pregnancy heat to kick in!

I am so sad, a friend in a buddy group online who has also had 2 m/c is currently 18 weeks along…but her water broke and her baby has a 5-10% chance of making it. Oh this devastates me, I can’t imagine what she’s going thru right now, and it also makes me worry. So much can go wrong, but I do rest knowing it’s all in God’s hands. If you think of it, please pray for my friend and her little baby.

Friday, December 3, 2004 (17w1d)

Time to guess…

I’ve decided it would be fun to take a poll & see what people think we’re having. We don’t get to schedule our ultrasound until the 17th so hopefully we’ll find out by Christmas, but in the meantime we’ll see what everyone else thinks….

Elizabeth: StaceyRenee, Monique, Shanna, Raul, Carissa, Laura, Jeana, Becky,  Amanda, Stephanie, Mom S, Amber, Joe, Mel (14)

Eliott: Jess, Erin, Mel, Crystal, Sherri, Adri, Mindy, Martha, Julie, Breanne, Mom K, Cherie, Denise, Nadine (14)

We’re going to Disneyland tonight! I can’t wait to see it decorated for the Holidays!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 (16w5d)

A night to remember…

Tuesday night was a night for the memory books, it has to be on my list of best days EVER, I made a fancy dinner, complete with sparkling cider. Next we decorated the tree while listening to favorite holiday music - and as always, I layed out all my ornaments and put them on in order by year, then we settled down for a chirstmas movie…and during the movie I began to feel the baby kick from the outside for the first time. I had charlie slip his hand under mine & he felt it too!! It was such a perfect moment that we’ll never forget.  

Sunday, November 28, 2004 (16w3d)

The Christmas Season Begins

We decided to get a surround sound/5 disc changer set for ourselves for Christmas - and because we can we got it early  After putting together one  - it didn’t work right so we took it all down & got a different one and poor charlie did so much moving & wiring that he’s sure to be sick of it. But it’s all hooked up now & it’s great. Our old system was so old it was pathetic - we’re talking massive black speakers!

We got our Christmas tree! It’s not decorated yet as I have all the decorations out but not up yet…hopefully I will get that done soon & we can have our traditional tree decorating evening sometime this week. We watched a Christmas Carol Musical tonight…I love that show & would love to collect all the versions…one of my favorites is Muppet’s Christmas Carol…I need to put that on my Christmas list!

Thursday, November 25, 2004 (16w)

Give Thanks

I’ve been anticipating thanksgiving for a while…knowing how I’ve never felt more thankful for any one thing in all my life. I get tears in my eyes when I think about how very very grateful I am to God for this pregnancy. It’s hard sometimes - knowing that others are out there longing to be pregnant also - my heart breaks for them. Knowing that, as we went around the table to share our thankfulness I wouldn’t get away without crying. After a few people already chose our baby as what they were thankful for, I shared how thankful I am that I have parents that I want to imitate when I’m a parent. They are amazing parents and I am so glad they’re mine! What makes it even more wonderful today is that I’m 16 weeks today & I’ve begun to feel the baby move. Wow.

The holiday was all that I had hoped and imagined for. The Konoske’s came to my parents and of course Andy & Nadine are here this year so it was extra special. Stephen is also here and it’s good to have him with the family. The food was good and chatting w/ the women about babies, since Becky & I are both showing now was so much fun. Sitting around with family enjoying the day & ending the evening w/ a cold turkey sandwich was just perfect. To think I’ll be holding a little one on my lap this time next year…amazing. Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord.

Sunday, November 21, 2004 (15w3d)

looking for a new home…

Church, that is. We have loved the past year at Grace EV Free of La Mirada. It is all that we could want in a church and more…except that it’s over 40 minutes away. Which isn’t a bad thing if we only wanted to attend on Sundays, but we want to make our church our family and it’s just impossible to get involved when we’re not close. We want to get established at a new church before baby is here, and I know that going that far would be even harder with a little one. Today we tried Village Covenant Church in Covina. It was good and the people were wonderful, definetly an option. We’ll be trying out several before we chose one though. It’s a little intimidating, but good for us also.

Saturday, November 20, 2004 (15w2d)

Furniture ordered!

Boy what a hassle it was to just order the furniture. Incompetent is the nicest word I can find. (maybe it’s just my hormones, lol) If I weren’t sure it was the best quality at the best price I would have left! We were there for a couple hours and it seemed that no one was sure about anything. In the end I think we got everything taken care of just fine. Each little step like this is fun, but I also get a pang of fear - what if we lose this baby too…what will I do with the furniture? Each time I have that thought I try to hold it captive & recite the Bible verse about not being anxious, and thankfully God’s spirit brings peace.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 (14w6d)

Monthly Check - Up

Had my Dr. apt. today - so nice to hear that strong HB (153). It’s so funny how little the doctor does, the nurse listens for the HB, does the measurement, and asks about cramping,bleeding etc. Dr. walks in, says congrats, and asks if I have stupid me didn’t have any prepared since he doesn’t always ask…but I came up w/ some. I asked about Labor & Delivery & he answered well…sounds like I can get what I want. bummer is that he said b/c we want to know the sex he won’t schedule the u/s yet I’ll be 19 weeks at my next apt. but he wanted me to be at least 20 So we’ll schedule it then, I hope we can still get in before Christmas! One day I hope to use a midwife and deliver at home or at a birthing center.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 (14w5d)

Maternity Shopping!

I went maternity shopping tonight! I got a shirt, sweater and jeans from Old Navy. The weird thing was the jeans - I tried on several versions of small & xtra small regular & long & everything fit differently. the Extra small regular was too big but to short, and the small short was actually perfect fit, just a tad long. I also got a cute black top that ties on the side @ the bottom, and a pretty warm light blue sweater. Another pair of jeans & a few more things & I should be done. Mom came with and it was pretty fun, who wouldn’t love getting new clothes!

Childbirth Class Decision

I really wanted to take Bradley classes, but they’re going to cost $300 and we’re trying to save every penny right now. I think we can benefit just as much from books & practice, especially given that I’ve observed some Bradley classes already & attended a full hospital childbirth education series. I also have the Bradley workbook that they go thru in the class. I called our hospital & they offer 3 different classes, one of them that encourages the natural, unmedicated labor & delivery. It’s much cheaper so I think we’ll end up with that one. We’re reading together about it each evening, right now we’re reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.

Sunday, November 14, 2004 (14w3d)

just looking…

We went to Baby Depot today w/ the Konoske’s & I think we found our nursery furniture!! We have already looked at BRU & USA Baby & I think we finally found exactly what we’re looking for. It will take 12-14 weeks to get here so we’ll probably order it soon.

Saturday, November 6, 2004 (13w2d)

an incredible blessing…

My wonderful & dear friend Jess who I met online has lent me her entire maternity wardrobe! I got the boxes today & proceded to try on everything - of course it’s all too big now, but it was so fun…reminded me of playing dress-up when I was little. I need a few maternity things of my own, but this is more than enough to last me. I am so grateful.

Ryan Yost’s birthday party was today…I sat with Shanna watching all the moms chasing their little ones, knowing that it will be me soon. I’m going to treasure these last few months of independence!

Sunday, October 31, 2004 (12w3d)

Happy Halloween

I didn’t go to church this morning b/c I threw up my breakfast right before we were supposed to leave. But my dad went w/ Charlie since mom is in Colorado, so it worked out nicely. The day ended great, Nadine Charlie & I had a wonderful time dressing up as a witch, a baby & a nerd while we carved pumpkins & made carmel apples & apple cider. It was Nadine’s first time carving a pumpkin so it make it extra special. The Pedregons, Yosts, & Murray’s showed up for a bit too which made it really fun. Annie & Ryan were dressed up as superheros & were supercute…next year we’ll be dressing up our little one! Cherie gave me a really pretty red maternity top…I hope I can start wearing it soon!!

Saturday, October 30, 2004 (12w2d)

Throwing up @ a shower…

I went to Kacie Geibel’s baby shower last night. It was also a costume party & a sleepover. It was great to see her again, as well as Amanda, Tonee, and Jenny, it had been a while since we all had connected…Unfortunetly, I ended up puking in the early morning. Ick! I didn’t make it all the way to the bathroom either. Not pretty - and embarassing in someone elses home! Although, it was a time God intended me to be there b/c I found someone who has been dx w/ PCOS & was able to share hope with them! Praise God - I’ve been able to share what I’ve learned with so many women who are struggeling w/ PCOS & infertility & miscarriage, it’s amazing to see how he uses the pain in my life to help others.

Friday, October 29, 2004 (12w1d)

Telling the rest of the office…

Today we celebrated Kumi’s departure to Maternity leave…there were 3 of my co-workers in the lunch room so I asked Mary if she could get the rest of the office to come in there. She didn’t know why, but she agreed. So once they were all in I announced “just wanted to let you all know that I am 3 months pregnant!” they erupted in cheers & clapping. It was a fun moment. The few that had been here the day I puked said “we knew it!” and a couple of them didn’t hesitate to say the actually had noticed I had gotten a tummy!! It’s nice to have it out. One said that at first she thought I was going to say I was leaving & freaked out. It was also another scary moment - telling them - after being out for 3 weeks during my last pregnancy & miscarriage it was akward comming back, but now that I’m further along I felt secure enough to share.

Thursday, October 28, 2004 (12w)

time to tell… 

I told my bosses today, they were suprised & happy for meI know it will concern them all knowing I will be out on maternity leave. I’m glad I’m an asset to the office & will be missed.

Now that we’ve heard the heartbeat & are 12 weeks we’re ready for word to be spread…we won’t be making a big announcement but as we see people we’ll share the news, it’s not a secret anymore. It’s a little scary, but also a relief to be here. I wondered many times if this day would ever come.

It was fun to tell Jeana Hurst because just the day before we heard the heartbeat she emailed me about a dream she had where we had a little baby named Lizzie - I couldn’t believe it - since Elizabeth Grace will be the name if it’s a girl. So needless to say she was amazed to hear we were pregnant!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Disneyland!

We went to Disneyland today with Nadine (she’s staying w/ us for a couple weeks) We ended up getting a wheelchair for me b/c I was having some pain when I was walking. It was super cool b/c we got to go strait to the front of the line for all the rides! I of course didn’t get to ride everything, but had a blast anyway. We all rated it as one of our best times there! Complete with Ice Cream Cones & Churros. (I had the pain checked out by the doc & all is fine - it’s just ligaments stretching -  I’m just so in tune w/ every little thing down there that I feel anything at all)

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The most beautiful sound in the world…

WE HEARD THE HEARTBEAT!!! The apt was at 2 so I spent the morning shopping, trying to make time go by fast. I had been prepared for them to maybe not even check for a hb yet, as well as for it to take a long time, digging around for it, and maybe even then not hear it. We get into the room & while the nurse is taking my BP I decide to ask her if we’ll be able to hear it yet, she checks my u/s to verify my EDD & says yes…so she comes in & checks herself (I assumed the doc would do it) and she puts the gel on, then the doppler & doesn’t have to move it a bit, she immediately says, “there it is!” and “it’s a fast one” she counted it out 157bpm & we just listened, while breathing a huge sigh of relief!! It was the most beautiful sound in the world. The doc was late comming in & we didn’t see him for another 1/2 hour or so…but we didn’t care! I was so glad we weren’t in suspense that whole time! We called our parents on our cell’s from the office. When the doctor did arrive he told us that we have only a 1% chance of miscarriage!! WOW! We also agreed for me to stay on my medication for now, fortunetly it is working! They gave me a bag w/ tons of magazines, prenatal samples, and formula samples, etc. (the formula part was a little anoying to me -  I’m not sure I appreciate the marketing of it when BF is a better way to go but that’s my opinion). I also did all the official bloodwork. My poor arms are looking like pin cushions!  I finaly felt like I’d ‘arrived’ I hope to have my 2nd level u/s & find out the sex @ 19 weeks…b/c 20 weeks is Christmas! That’s only 8 weeks away!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Morning Sickness!

I threw up at my desk this morning! It wasn’t the first time I’ve thrown up, but the first time at work! I had time to get on my knees & get it into the trash can, butmy co-workers definetly heard it. I was concerned that my secret might be out, but forutnetly they assumed it was something I ate. phew! lucky one! I’m really grateful though b/c overall I have felt good. I have some days when I feel icky, but overall I feel pretty good. Tired, but good. The few times I’ve thrown up have been in the middle of a meal. I don’t mind being sick though - it’s a good reassurance. Mom had such bad morning sickness all the way thru that I’ve worried I would be the same - but if this is all - no problem!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 (6w6d)

1st Ultrasound

Baby is not only in there, but his/her heart beat was 145bpm & s/he is measuring on time! We are so so relieved. We held our breath as the u/s began and it was a beautiful moment when we realized things were good so far! The technition was super nice & they even have a television screen elevated so I can watch! I was suprised that they were able to see so much from an abdominal u/s - even w/out a full bladder. Every day is a good one when I’m not spotting, but it’s also a scary one…just hoping and praying all is well.

With such good news, we decided to tell a few more people so we called our siblings, my grandparents & extended family and a few close friends. After losing 2 pregnancies it’s always scary to tell people, but these are people we need to know - no matter what happens…and of course it means more people praying! Everyone was happy for us of course, and being able to tell them the good news about the ultrasound helped because it gives them hope.

Saturday, September 24, 2004 (7w2d)

what’s in a name…

We’ve known for a while that if we have a girl her name will be Elizabeth Grace. Elizabeth means Consecrated to God. We chose it because we love it, but oddly it’s also the names are from 2 characters in my favorite romance movie - Return to Me. I also love the verse in Luke 2 where the angel tells Mary of Elizabeth’s pregnancy & announces that “She who was barren is now in her sixth month, Nothing is impossible with God!” What we haven’t quite agreed on is calling her Liz, Beth, or Elizabeth.

So because we have a girl name chosen we’ve kinda leaned toward wanting a girl because we already identify w/ the name, but I wanted to have a boy name too so that we could want both equally…well it worked!

We decided today on Eliott George. Eliott b/c we like it, it means the Lord is My God. And George because it happens to be both of our Dad’s middle name! How perfect!

It wasn’t intentional, but what I love is that both names have identical initials (E.G. - so we can already call them that!) & the first names even begin w/ the same first 3 letters. So now that we have both names chosen I can’t decide what I want more! I can’t imagine being more thrilled with either one!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004 (4w6d)

Results are in…

and… bloodwork is good, 3rd Beta was 1747! Doctor Kassar congratulated us & commented that it didn’t take long! We told our parents…they recieved the news well, but were cautious as expected. It’s sad that such an announcement can’t be recieved with unreserved joy, because for us, pregnancy is both a chance for hope, and a possibility of devestation. We let them know that for now it’s a secret - from everyone. It’s hard enough knowing ourselves, making it thru each day without worrying to much. Telling people right now is just more than we can handle. I had a Bible Study reccomended to me by Tonee, it’s by Linda Dillow, called Calm My Axious Heart. Boy is it so good. I have read the first chapter several times through and am memorizing the verse. Steph and I are going to do it together. I think it will have a wonderful impact on my perspective throughout this pregnancy.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 (4w6d)

It doubled!

2nd Beta was 313!! More than doubled!! 3rd Beta today … doc apt. tomorrow.

Friday, September 03, 2004 (4w1d)

double beta double

1st beta was 120 took 2nd one today.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004 (3w6d)

A wonderful but scary day

I haven’t been charting my cylces & so we haven’t technically been trying, it’s just too much stress after what we’ve been through. I’m on the glucophage now and I won’t be going off it. For a few days now, I’ve just kinda ‘felt’ like I was pregnant so I decided to take an OPK to see what would happen - well SUPER dark line - so I knew I was either ovulating or already pg, so when Charlie got home @ lunch I asked permission to take an HPT. I took a cheapie - there was a line…I took a digital: PREGNANT! We’re happy, but scared of course…not going to tell anyone yet. I drove to the dr’s office & demanded to be seen. The nurse ordered HCG & P4 as well as prescribed crinone. I hope it doubles!! Praying!